Some transitional moments are happening at the farm. An intern left to attend a different university. A different intern contacted us and replaced them. At least one intern out of four has been on vacation for a few weeks. As labor availability decreases and challenges increase, it becomes apparent that the season will not have the grand finish we all hoped for. The director has instructed me to start closing down fields by putting them into cover crops rather than planting food crops. The interns never really progressed into a farm force and still mostly require my presence to be effective. In short things are bad and I am in charge, it weighs on me and I am struggling mentally with the disappointment and stress. My own farm has suffered terribly, it is not really even a garden any more. I spend days pulling the infrastructure out of the weeds and overgrown spring plants. Soon it will at least be back to a lawn rather than neck high weeds. I recognize areas where I need to improve but can’t decide what part of the failing is my fault. My home farm is of course 100% my shortcomings and I have a loose plan on how to move forward. As for the campus farm I can’t help but fluctuate between feeling like I was set up to fail and scolding myself for not simply working off the clock and demanding the infrastructure to try to make it work. I could have been more adamant in a few areas, I could have been less careful with spending on farm inputs. I should have been much more serious sounding about problems. My management style also needs work and on top of that I am starting to believe what I was told as a child- that I need medication to function like other people. In knowledge I am fairly well off but in spirit I waned fast when I realized that the commitment from the university did not match the expectations (and realities of the campus farm project). A past self would have worked harder and faster to try to make everything perfect. My current self gets heat exhaustion easily and has lost touch with how to unwind or let go of stress. When I can maintain perspective I can recognize the reality, a farm can not run on part time management and part time labor. We produce a nice pile of food twice a week and make around $150.00 per farm stand night and I should be proud of that but am not. Probably because it is such a disappointment to the directors. I have learned a lot and in time will be very grateful for the experience but for now it has been really really hard on me physically and emotionally. I try to remind myself that even though it is just barely, I am paying the bills through farming and will leave with the ability to put “manager” on my next application. On top of that I am outside and doing something I believe in and that is a very hard thing to find.
United States citizens pay the least for food than any other nation. The expectation of paying very little for goods and services passes exploitation from person to person. One person who is underpaid can’t afford to pay fairly for the goods and services of another so they seek the affordable option. The system degrades itself, like always choosing the lowest bidder for a job the lowest quality is always provided.
The pest and disease pressure on the farm as well as a new vagrant camp has been difficult as well. We are losing plants faster than we are planting new ones and the deer pressure has resumed in full force despite a functional electric fence. There is nothing that could not have been prevented, treated or corrected but it requires a lot of time for labor, money for inputs and more than one person with the knowledge to implement.
In spite of all these problems we are starting shorter season crops such as greens and beans for fall harvest.
